After 321 posts…. it finally happened.
I ran out of storage space.
My initial plan was to delete a few media files to make up room for more posts coz lets face it… without pics and gifs… its just bland words.
And I did end up deleting a few before Sarah suggested to make a part Deux and continue from where I left off.
In any case, the new url will be jerin95.wordpress.com where the story and tangents will continue with fresh storage space.😅
Social media is a pastime … sure but every now and then you come across small nuggets of gold which you save for future use.
I came across a channel recently that talked about narcissistic personality… and the golden child theory.
After going through a few reels from that channel, I’m curious to give Jennette McCurdy’s controversial book a whirl.
I guess I will have some time in about a month’s time to get into it.
A lot of stuff has happened in these past six months….some positive others not so much.
And now at the tail end of it all, all I can say is..
How long this unit will persevere is only a question that the big guy upstairs can answer.
I saw a really good quote on a creator’s bio…
“The world isn’t kind so we must be”
Unfortunately, that feeling doesn’t resonate with everyone.
I would like this post to be the last time I touch on this subject and things along the same vein.
You are responsible for your own happiness and no matter how grim things might seem if you want to live on and survive you might have to seek it out in the small things.
When you are kids your parent’s are there to teach you right from wrong….when you grow up…their advice falls on deaf ears but so does your advice to them.
Be a nice person, be a dangerous person with a good heart…. Have you noticed whenever you open up the internet…it just seems to list ways on how inadequate you are.
It might be your looks, your personality, your skills. You are never enough…they always want you to embark on a never ending pursuit of continuous improvement.
I came across a post that said that there is a finite amount of things you are good at and an infinite amount of things you are bad at…if you spend your life trying to be good at everything, you will waste your life on an endless pursuit.
I’m going to keep this one short and sweet and end it off by saying this…. Life isn’t a race or a competition….don’t take it too seriously or you will not make it out alive…
Take steps forward but do it at your own pace, be true to yourself because at the end of the day you can fool everyone around you but not your conscience and always remember….
A while back I saw a post and there are two versions that I foresee in my future.
Some of my dream sequences have presented me with different scenarios but all in all… I must make sure to not forget the following in the trying times coming ahead.
Being in a relationship won’t heal you and being single won’t kill.
It all comes down to your heart and mind…. convince your mind and console your heart and it should be fine.
There is no Book of Life that exists and even if it did….it doesn’t say that you need to procreate to be happy.
It’s not necessary and it shouldn’t be your primary goal in life to continue your bloodline.
Your goal in life should be to lead a happy life irrespective of the form it looks like in your life.
If at some point, you do decide to fall in love and be able to muster enough courage to start a family of your own.
Remember these:
1) Before you marry this individual make sure that she is your best friend (at that point in time).
2) You need to be each other’s priority…. Society, kids and everything else comes later down the totem pole.
3) A child should be entrusted the role of being an insulator for your relationship and you should only bring another life into this world if you can take care of them and support them until they come off age.
4) Instill love in your child…not fear, hatred and deceit…There is too much of that in the world as it is.
5) If you both choose to not have kids…make sure you look after each other and compromise here and there… It takes a lot to make a relationship work but both need to put in their 100% in order to do so.
6) Comparison is the root of all evil. You know that better than anyone. Don’t repeat the past…make sure to learn from it.
7) Don’t focus on the things that you shouldn’t do. Focus on the things that you feel in your full sized aortic pump is the right course of action.
8) Maintain your individuality…you were two different individuals each with their own strengths and interests…. You do not have to form into a single entity post ‘the talk’.
9) Make sure that a resolution to fights are achieved in the same day that it occurs. Sometimes you will have to eat humble pie….don’t let your ego stand in the way of that but keep in mind that it applies both ways.
You are looking for a partner, a companion not a good digger or someone who gives more importance to what society thinks about your relationship.
10) Make sure to express your love for your partner on a consistent bases. It shouldn’t be that 💵 is the only way you can express how much your partner means to you. Ensure that you can periodically give them your most precious asset…
After watching Thor Love and Thunder and seeing the Season Finale of The Boys.
There wasn’t much to watch.
So I fired up the ol PS…and turned on Tubi.
With Netflix and all the other streaming services at the palm of our hands, we really are spoiled for choice.
I kinda long for the old days when you would turn on the telly and switch around to stumble upon a show or movie that would catch your attention.
So as I watch scrolling I stumbled upon this movie…
The synopsis seemed intriguing and Jesse Eisenberg was in it so I thought what the hell.
Not gonna lie…an hour into the movie…I could see myself and Broseph in the shoes of the leads.
I picked up some pearls of wisdom from the movie…one of which was when you ask a woman what’s the most attractive quality in a man.
The first response is “Sense of Humor” but if a dude who was ripped and had a bike came into the place…most if not all woman would try to get his attention and the “Sense of Humor” guys would be holding the door as they made their way out.
This kinda aligns with the saying that “Nice guys finish last” and that women go after jerks or 🍑holes.
The first location was at the bar… where the V card wasn’t stigmatized or ridiculed. But at the end of the day the V card boils down to a choice or a lack thereof…. some like to get it over with while others didn’t have the opportunity to do so.
However, the last thing you should do is to have immense expectations about it… because let’s face it on some level it’s like riding a bike…it might seen scary at first but practice and confidence helps you to get better at it.
Second location was a party where the “veteran” was teaching the novice about how to find the most vulnerable. The novice ended up in a predicament but he didn’t go through with it because it didn’t feel right.
After “striking out” they resorted to a failsafe plan because the novice was feeling desperate..as they turned into an alley it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know where they were headed.
It was the moment of truth… Garments were off, drinks were in the system (aka social lubricant) but at the last moment the veteran yoinked the novice from the room. The novice was pissed in the heat of the moment but subliminally he was grateful to the veteran for his deed.
Despite our differences and in spite of the fact that he pisses me off sometimes…Broseph has done for me what the veteran did for the novice in the last scene…but hey nobody likes the mushy so he does sprinke on some harsh statements at the end of the sentence but subliminally I am gratefully for his deeds as well.
When one story ends another begins…so next up was Adventureland.
Not a lot of takeaways from this but just the fact that Men are visual and prideful creatures.
We all have baggage and it comes in various different shapes and forms.
Just like women say they want sense of humor…Men say they care about what’s on the inside (women might think it’s metaphorically but it’s literal).
I have an acquaintance out in the east and she seems cool but although the book might be a good read the cover isn’t as pleasant…
Right now, most of you are probably like…
I kid you not… Install any app on your phone right now… something that has a swipe left or right feature.
Go through the people… The people that you swipe to the left… probably are a good and or fantastic book but because the cover isn’t as pleasant you would be like Nah….
Maybe that’s the reason that we usually try to punch above our weight class…we all want that feeling like we won something and it has to be Gold, silver or bronze…and not so participation trophy.
(But in due course of time we realize that the gold, silver and bronze was just a plating and underneath the plating it was all the same.)
Coming back to the swiping experiment…now there will be few among us who will swipe right always.
This ties in with a show that I stumbled upon recently which is also the title of this post.
Eager for love… That wording is so key. You want to be in the Eager side of things…when you get into the Desperate spectrum is when you start making bad decisions.
And no it’s not like you can control it but if you do have some semblance of control left try not to go over to the dark side.
And it applies to both men and women.
I heard the following line on MY WIFE AND KIDS.
Mom: Eat your food kids, there are children starving in Africa.
Son: Mom, even if we cleaned off our plates wouldn’t the kids in Africa be still starving.
I bring this up now because no matter where you are on the totem pole of life…there are people on levels below you and people on the level above you but when life throws 💩 at you… You and only you how bad it stinks.
(I know that was a weird way to put it but you get mt point)
In that show 👆.
Bro had a Im not good enough for girl 1…then he messed it up over some superstitious stuff.
Girl 2 wanted to let loose, throw caution to the wind and just have some fun but the protagonist wasn’t up for that…he wanted to take things slow so he was called a prude and cast aside.
Girl 3 was his best friend and he tried the Kuch Kuch HOTA hai approach and that led him almost losing the only friend that he had.
(Side note… although that movie is revered as a classic… It’s just as bad as Romeo and Juliet…if you sit down and think about it)
Girl 4… Was a girl on a mission to stick it to her Dad by _ _ _ _ (NSFW 😅) but getting fired from the company caused that plan to go PUCHUKUM.
By Girl 5… Needle was moving ever so close to the danger zone.. but he matched with a girl who was DTF.
However, the protagonist’s lack of having protection on him… metaphorically saved his ass
So the final sequence was a engagement party and remember the social lubrication…well there was tons of it at the party.
And in the morning after shot…. Protagonist hungover….dress on the bed.
Who could it be…. 1/2/3/4/5?
Final answers locked in….
It was Girl #6…the girl who was busting his balls throughout the season.
And then the guy asked “How was he”?
Girl’s response “I have had worse”
In the protagonist’s mind..
It all comes down to the totem pole… Or Goldilocks theory if you will… Not the best and not the worst just somewhere in the middle.
Cant wait to see Season 2.
There is a saying…take it with a grain of salt.
Life may not always give you the things you want but it will try to give you what it thinks you need at that particular moment.
Now the above might come off as full of 💩 for some but hey…that’s me trying to give the “Glass half full approach a shot”
In other news, recently I was testing out an app and I happened to take a personality test and it matched me with this.
I’m not a big believer of the Aquarius matches best with this sign theory but I might look into 👆 a bit more because it’s a bit more sciency. 🤔
Will this post get published or join it’s buddies in the draft graveyard.
Overthinking mind: Have you checked for coherence or grammatical errors.
When you get into the workforce, there are certain unwritten rules that everyone is expected to follow.
Thou shall not discuss one’s pay with other employees.
But I have also read that this rule was propogated by the employers because they didn’t want workers to know when they would play favouritism and bump one party’s pay by a bit while keeping an others pay stagnant.
I have known employers who have signed people on for a higher pay while others work for the standard amount just because the former were a family friend to the employer…some have even waived off the 90 day probationary period wait before starting a person’s benefits.
But this is not what the title is about…
Sometimes when are in a position of power you go on a power trip and don’t give a 🖕 about what people think…you treat your subordinates as piece of 💩s, whilst simultaneously sucking up to your employer.
In other instances, you try to maintain a balance between your boss’s efficiency rant and worker’s morale and at times you even go far and beyond to even stick your neck out for your co-workers and or subordinates.
However, it was recently brought to my attention maybe I was looking out for people who didn’t deserve it and who would…Et Tu Brute???!! me at a moment’s notice.
Growing up…I was always a glass half full kind of person but after leaving the nest and stepping into the real world…the glass half full attitude slowly transitioned into a glass have empty approach.
In short, I grew to be more and more cynical.
But maybe I need to do a better job at translating it into the work environment.
Because thinking back now…after being enlightened… what the well wisher said was true…some of the people that I have stuck my neck out for have always acted to safeguard their own interests.
What is the point in going above and beyond for someone when they wouldn’t do the same for you and you know it to be true because even when countless opportunities presented itself in the past where they could have helped you get out of a pickle they chose to turn a blind eye.
Sometimes I wonder…if the realities of life is what made some people (who I know) from being joyful and full of hope to bitter and cynical.
Like all things in life, you need to practice to inculcate something into your being but hopefully at the end of it all, I don’t end up in the 👆 right hand side category.
I read an interesting post recently…
I’m curious to see if this theory pans out or if it’s just a stab in the dark by the creator of said post.
Rachel asked me recently about someone and she kept on prying about a topic that I had laid to rest a while back.
At the end all I told her was that I refuse to let this become “Angelica: The Sequel”
Did I get what I had stated (boastfully) that I wanted…Yes I did….
Did I expect it to turn out this way…. No I most certainly did not 🙄
A while back one of my aunt’s randomly out of the blue asked me “All Good”.
And my immediate response was…
………….
Well what sort of a response was I supposed to give her …we all know about family gossips… You say something to one aunt and your entire family tree hears about it, which brings me to the title of this post.
What are the prerequisites that matter to you before you open up to someone….
I’ll go first…😁
Our conversations should be confidential, not the talk of the town and it has to be transparent, honest from both ends.
Angelica and I had a good rapport in the same way that Jacqueline and I had a good rapport growing up ..back then it wasn’t family drama…it was building-complex drama.
I can still remember the course of events that transpired vaguely….
Jacqueline was the sister to the Queen Bee. She offended the queen and was exiled briefly as punishment…. Now I was an outcast from the get go because I didn’t want to be one of the lackeys who would take the queen’s word as gospel.
So there I was watching an amazing rally under the floodlights when Jacqueline came up to me and started venting about how much of a 🐩 the queen was… Now since Jacqueline and I wanted our conversation to be confidential we spoke in our native tongue and soon enough it caught the ear of one of the queen’s lackeys.
Soon the queen strolled in with her entourage and started speaking in another language which at that time I didn’t comprehend and then the queen belittled me for speaking to Jacqueline in our native tongue.
Well at that time I was a 🐈…so I just sat there and took it all as they welcomed Jacqueline back into their group with open arms in an attempt to alienate me even further.
If I had a bit of the cajones that I have now back then I would have ripped the Queen a new one, the same way I did Abel a few years back.
After a few days, Jacqueline (in order to earn some brownie points) disclosed in public the things that I had spoken to her in confidence.
That brings me to point number deux…. If our conversations are to become the butt of someone’s joke or to be used as ammunition at a later date then I do not want any part of it.
If I have to I can be a good listener and delay putting on my “Mr Fix it ” hat as much as possible but I need those two conditions to be fulfilled.
I feel like apart from the conversations that I have had with the usual suspects…the conversation with Debbie really showcased the former point.
Rachel tried to get her point across by sharing this post with me …
I was tempted to fill in at the bottom that sometimes the gap makes you realize where you stand in the relationship when one of the parties doesn’t have a void to fill anymore.
But alas it didn’t come to pass because like I said I didn’t want this to be part 2 of a 💩 story.
The best course of action is to acknowledge what happened and to move on.
If there is one thing that Fi taught me…it’s that some people are meant to stay in your life, others are meant to make cameo appearances and then bid farewell but in both cases valuable lessons are learnt…. scratch that … valuable lessons should be learnt.
And to cap off this one take post … I will leave y’all with this quote….
Well this is the last thing on my to-do list.
Ran errands, cooked food, did chores, binge watched new tv shows and movies.
Feel cherished…..Feel needed
Came across this in the tv show… No matter how you cut it I think those two aspects are gender locked? Women want to feel cherished/treasured, men want to feel needed/sense of belonging?
4 accounts theory.
2 personal
1 bills…house mortgage, food
Savings…both sign to move funds
This was mentioned by Steve Harvey and I heard it in passing. If I ever come across that bridge I will definitely make a strong case to implement that…That way you maintain your own unique identity even when you are part of a unit.
You both look after yourself for the other person….Not you scratch my back, I scratch yours
When I was small and I saw my peers getting into relationships (this was before the ball dropped)
I assumed that the relationship would help make you a better person and that you would try to become your best self for your respective other.
But as I grew older, I realized the sad truth that in most cases the opposite is true… You put forth your best self up until the honeymoon phase of the relationship after which your true self takes over, you take each other for granted, fights linger on and without reaching a settlement snowball into bigger fights.
You both look after yourselves for the other person…hmmm… trying to wrap my head around that one.
But ya one thing is for certain… A relationship isn’t a magic elixir…. Whatever you were before getting into a relationship is the same way you will be after…now if you make an effort to improve or change then you will bear the fruits of that labor.
Even though you know that she/he is not the one for you…your libido says otherwise.
This was plucked out from UPLOAD.
No matter how much you might refute it some of your actions are definitely governed by your 🍆 or 🥝 (not sure if that’s the equivalent for the eggplant emoji but let’s just go with that)
There is an argument to be made with….
But sometimes we know that we deserve more but because our current “buddy” has the tools required to pacify our downstairs neighbors we go along with them until we get tired or until someone “better” comes along.
Example: Girl uses guy to gain clout, guy realizes it, takes up girl on her offer, they have fun…one party more than the other…(😏)…Girl dumps guy…guy gets emotional…jumps through hoops to get her back …girl things he’s got him wrapped around her little fingers…. one day out of the blue, guy finds new girl and dumps the old one…just like that.
On some level all the erotica that we are exposed to makes us think that it will be like that for us every single time…what we fail to realize is that that’s not real life, that’s their job and what you see isn’t exactly what really happens.
But hey ignorance is bliss right 👍…. Well you can hold onto that theory until there are two people in the same bed 😅😅😅
The old me probably believed in the love you for all eternity but the mature me believes that you can love someone for a lifetime but all of eternity it’s easier said than done.
Rachel once told me what happened to you…you were always such a romantic but now you are turning into a cynic….
Well I know she means well…to an extent but the answer to her question was LIFE happened.
Back home when I was in my comfort zone, not having to fend for myself, watching all the Pixar movies…I was a strong advocate of the Love you forever but as I am right now….well I still believe in LOVE…
I’m in love with the concept of being in love but all of eternity is that even practical…it’s a good concept but no if you can love someone for your mortal life that’s good enough and it’s longer than what the shelf life of love lasts nowadays anyways.
Tinder dates…. Hookups turn into a rating system where I scratch your back and you scratch mine…
I’m not into the Tinder game but do people really rate each other…. This sort of reminds me of the Social Credit System that China has in place where you are rated based on whether you are good boy/girl or bad boy/girl.
We have deepfakes now…once AR, VR and android tech develops will people even yearn for human intimacy anymore or play it safe with a cyborg.
Once the aforementioned tech develops say farewell to red light districts, only fans etc. This might seem like good news to all the single people out there but if you go in a little bit deeper you will realize that it will be the end of human-human contact.
Think about it, if you could mold your respective other to suit your needs who wouldn’t… Now some will say that’s blasphemous…those are the same people who say that they are never seen any erotica in their life…
Don’t have expectations won’t get disappointed… 2 time hearing it in a matter of months…hmm
Well it’s not a bad thought, you can avoid disappointments but what’s the point in living like that you still need to have hope right…it is what we fight with when all else seems lost???
Incognito mode…what if it works in the exact opposite way that you assume it to. Instead of granting your privacy it just pings you so that they can have a closer look.
Incognito mode, VPN….on the web are you ever truly anonymous…what if you using them flags you in so that a more close eye can be kept on your activities.???
When your parents pass away, your last connection to childhood is gone?
This cut deep…. But ya Time is a heartless 🐩. Drags on when you don’t want it to… Races when you are having a good time.
Threatening someone is not love no matter how you slice it.
Some call it tough love ..I’m not one of those people… If you threaten someone or harm them in any shape or form then it’s no longer love at play there…it’s ownership they have been in your eyes reduced to an object that you feel like you have the exclusive ownership too…
NEWSFLASH!!!!
You do not….and if there is something beating in that hollow tin chest that you will regret the way you treated them when they are gone….
If you could witness your funeral, do you think it would cheer you up or bum you down?
When I do exit this realm of existence, I’m outta here because I’m pretty sure if I was spectating it would bum me down…
It’s just code…
They want people to pay for upgrades
It’s called capitalism
Another excerpt from UPLOAD….most of the stuff online is just code but you won’t get it for free because if you get it for free then you won’t cherish it, you will lose interest and the thing will die down …add a value to it and it becomes something that is treasured/ sought out and makes the developers money.
Would you still be with your respect other if the physical aspect of things were removed?
When I was a kid, eating mom’s homemade food day in and day out… I would think out loud…what if you could have takeouts everyday.
One of Broseph’s friend did this and it would make us jelly but now decades later with no parents and their income to support such a lifestyle I see him struggling to even cook up a decent meal.
When we visited a new city with cousins we would often eat out… Hearing about it, I thanked my lucky stars but 2 days in, Me out of all people had to call it quits.
At that point in time I kinda felt like King Midas .. having the power to turn anything I touch to gold only to realize soon enough that it’s more of a curse than a blessing.
I feel like the physical aspect of a relationship is something like that…when you don’t have it you think the world of it but after a while it becomes more of a “Ho Hum 😑… Can I go to sleep now?”
The original title of this post was supposed to be
Desire … Times are a changing… Waiting for a connection (not in the way you are thinking)
So desire has been hinted at up above.
Times Are a changing…well I think this was in respect to newly Weds jumping headfirst into pets than kids….
Waiting for a connection 😉
Ya no not that…. I finally decided to grow my hair out and was trying to experiment with facial hair.
Me normally.
Trying to see if I can rock something like this…
Aka the Doctor strange look 😁😁😁😁
Let’s see 🤞🤞🤞🤞
Was planning on making a huge post about a similar topic but as luck would have it…found a catchy song to convey it better…
I have noticed that lately I haven’t been dreaming as much as I used to.
Pre-pandemic I would have had at least 2-3 dreams per week but after the pandemic struck I think with all the thoughts racing around in my head, when I go to sleep my brain probably decides to give my subsconcious mind some well deserved shut eye as well.
Last night after I fell asleep, I had this dream and it felt more like a premonition than a dream.
Tangent warning ⚠️
Back during the college days, Abel and I were friends, along with Yaskir and Shawn.
One day while walking back home after classes, I disclosed to Abel that I had a dream….that in the near future we would have a spat so big that it would cause a civil war in the group.
Abel chuckled 🤭
And Lo and behold a few months later, it happened.
Abel pulled off some shenanigans at the expense of Yaskir and Shawn and when I confronted him and ripped him a new one (verbally)…he went to his backup group and played the victim and turned our other acquaintances against me.
Did I care.???
Because the backup group was governed by a queen bee who decided what the group did, who the group interacted with etc,etc.
If you want an analogy, remember the leader of the group in Mean girls.👇
When Abel left, he took Yaskir with him but not Shawn because he considered him to be a dumb ass…. So Shawn tagged along with me for a bit before he got involved in some shenanigans with a girl.
What was the shenanigans you might ask….
Well I won’t divulge too much but let’s just say he committed the same folly as Joy back in 2010.
“Just because you confess your feelings to a girl, it doesn’t mean it has to be reciprocated….being an asshole after getting turned down doesn’t help your case either”
I got friendzoned by Fi so imagine approaching a girl that you don’t know well and expecting her to reciprocate your Pyaar ka izhaar.🙄
Back to the story…😅
Well there were two premonitions
One was that I stand up to Papa Bear after all these years…. and it gets ugly.
Second one was Angelica visiting me with her Mom (post hitchment)
Can’t remember the entirety of it but the visit was super short and it didn’t sit well with me because it gave me flashbacks.
There is this saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder, I find it to be true but too much of a proximity also causes you to be at each other’s throats.The duration of the visit has to be just right similar to what you see in the Goldilocks story.
During my childhood days, Angelica would often come to the city for her vacations.
I remember once when Angelica came to visit us, she had a connecting flight in the wee hours of the morning.
She came in at around 9pm in the night. I was excited because when you don’t have a younger sibling your closest cousin by default becomes your default sis.
If memory serves me correct, when she visited we talked for a bit, when out and stared at the sky (something was happening in the sky that night, super moon, or something along those lines)
After a while I went to bed, hoping to catch up where we left off in the morning.
When I woke up in the morning there was no Angelica in sight, Mom wondered why I was up at the crack of dawn…and there I was frantically searching for Angelica so you can imagine my dejection to hear that she had already left.
Now bear in mind that the title of the post only holds true if the person visiting you is someone who is dear to you…
On the contrary, if it’s someone who you hate then I’m guessing your attitude towards them would be something along the lines of…
Premonition no.1 has a higher likelihood of happening. For 👇to happen, I have to break away from the yolk and influence completely. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything Papa Bear has done for me but one way or another the buck stops with me.
P.S. The way to achieve 👆 isn’t by telling yourself to do what a certain someone wouldn’t, because if you keep approaching it in that way you might subconsciously turn into the thing that you are trying to avoid, I feel like you need to treat the progeny the way you would have like to be treated and hope things work out for the best.
The premonition with Angelica is less likely to occur and even if it does most likely it won’t be a short term visit.
Well in any case, since I’m not a soothsayer, you never know stranger things have happened.
In other news…
In gaming news…
In anime news…
Need to one shot this arc, read the manga it looked awesome can only imagine how good the animation must be.🤩🤩🤩
Long weekend cometh…..
DaysOfMyLife 